He was rejected and homeless at 15. Now he leads the LGBTQ group that gave him acceptance.
Chris Allen vividly recalls the rejection he felt when he came out about his sexual orientation at 15. It's a story he tells two decades later to give today's teens hope. There is love and acceptance, and people who will help. He knows that from experience. He now leads an organization that showed him the way.
He came out during a heated argument with his stepfather over his insistence that Allen get a girlfriend and prove his manhood by having a sexual relationship with a woman. “I just blurted out that I wasn’t with a woman because I’m gay,” Allen recalled.
Allen's stepfather immediately became hostile, stating he was not going to raise a gay son and often referring to him in derogatory terms. His mother remained silent, but her silence conveyed a powerful and equally hurtful message. When he told his biological father a week later, his dad took a corporal punishment approach. He forced Allen to attend church and pressured him to repent.
“There was a lot of resentment at both places. We did not have a good relationship, and I no longer wanted to live there,” Allen said.
He ended up homeless, couch surfing with friends and men who would take him in. Allen, now 37, expressed that he felt trapped. He felt nobody understood or cared enough to talk to him about his feelings. He longed for someone to tell him that they loved and accepted him for who he was.
Regrettably, Allen's experience remains prevalent today. Among the 1.6 million homeless youth in the United States, approximately 40% identify as LGBTQ+. Given that LGBTQ+ youth constitute only 7% of the total youth population, there exists a notable disproportion in homelessness within these demographic segments.
A cousin steered him to a group that gave him love and acceptance
Moreover, LGBTQ+ youth are at a higher risk of homelessness and tend to experience it at younger ages. They also encounter multiple forms of discrimination and stigma, such as racism, sexism, ableism and classism, in addition to homophobia and transphobia, according to Child Trends, a nonprofit organization focused on improving the lives of children and youth.
When Allen decided to leave home, he said he stayed at random places, using instant messenger to find places to go. Sometimes, people would let him crash on their couch. Sometimes, he would find a comfortable bench in the park to sleep.
During a period of couch surfing, he faced instances where people demanded sexual favors from him in exchange for food and shelter. Subsequently, an older man aided, and he initially believed they were in a relationship. However, this individual became physically abusive and inflicted severe harm, resulting in Allen being admitted to the emergency room. At one of the most challenging junctures in his life, Allen tried to take his own life.
With nowhere left to go, Allen returned to his father.
While at his father’s house, Allen returned to church but still felt out of place. It was a conversation with his cousin, Melanie, where he began to find a way out. He mentioned that a good friend became a youth adviser at a group called Diverse & Resilient. She did some research and discovered the group worked with a lot of young, Black and Hispanic gay youths. She encouraged him to get involved and even drove him to his first meeting.
During one of the meetings, Allen remembered sitting at a table with a group of LGBTQ+ youths. He realized that everyone's voice was being valued in that space, and people could see him for who he was beyond his sexual orientation.
“It was eye-opening, and the people were comfortable with who they are,” Allen said.
He became a youth adviser at Diverse & Resilient in 2002. Last year, he became the organization's president & CEO.
Coming out saved my life.LGBTQ+ ex-Christians like me deserve to be proud of ourselves.
Discrimination against LGBTQ+ remains persistent despite progress
During Pride Month in June, Allen stressed that it is crucial to acknowledge that although companies, families and individuals celebrate the LGBTQ+ community, substantial progress is still required in fostering acceptance and inclusion.
“While the general public has made progress, we still see a lot of discrimination toward LGBTQI+ people, and this is disproportionately felt within communities of color,” said Allen, who is Black.
While many people of color support the movement, their ideologies are often challenged when it comes to individuals within their own families. This is especially true when it comes to acceptance of transgender people.
The social challenges faced by Black LGBTQ+ individuals are reflected in the attitudes of Black Americans toward gender identity issues, as revealed by a 2022 Pew Research Center survey of U.S. adults.
The survey found that only 13% of non-Hispanic Black adults believe that U.S. society is highly or very accepting of transgender individuals. Furthermore, opinions among Black adults are divided on the extent of societal acceptance. While 36% say society has not advanced enough in accepting transgender people, 31% say the current level of acceptance is appropriate, and 29% say it has gone too far.
Additionally, approximately 41% of Black adults say opinions regarding transgender individuals and issues are evolving at the right pace, while about 34% say they are changing too quickly.
I grew up without LGBTQ+ role models.These elders paved the way for us to be ourselves.
Leading Diverse & Resilient a full-circle moment for Allen
Allen was working with the Texas Department of State Health Services to evaluate HIV programming to decrease inequities when he received a call about an opening for the CEO of Diverse & Resilient. Allen applied, and during the interview process, he knew it was his dream job.
Gary Hollander, who founded Diverse & Resilient, said Allen becoming the CEO is a full-circle movement. He remembered how Allen came to the organization in 2002 as a shy, intelligent youth who found his voice during a summer internship.
“He is exceptionally intelligent and adept at managing both programs and people,” Hollander said.
Hollander, 75, fondly remembered Allen's advice to leaders about effectively communicating with teens regarding health and safety. He also shared how Allen contributed to designing activities that adapted nationally recognized evidence-based prevention efforts to engage local teens in lifesaving programs.
"We are fortunate to have him back. I’m absolutely thrilled. As a Black man, he possesses a deep dedication to social justice, which forms the foundation of the mission of Diverse & Resilient," Hollander said.
Allen is married and has two sons, 8 and 13. And despite early silence and rejection, Allen has a good relationship with his mother, though his father is still a work in progress.
Since accepting the role, Allen's primary goals have been to find ways to provide resources that fill the many gaps in services for the community. He has also focused his attention on addressing the social determinants of health.
Developing and working with allies is the key, along with engaging the community and unlearning racism and sexism that have been a part of our overall society, he said.
When Allen was a teen struggling with homelessness, Diverse & Resilient provided him with acceptance and family. Now an adult, Allen is returning what was given to him: the ability to be free and thrive.
James E. Causey is an Ideas Lab reporter at the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, where this column originally appeared. Email him at [email protected] or follow him on X: @jecausey