'Golden Bachelor' Gerry Turner, Theresa Nist divorce news shocks, but don't let it get to you
Viewers of all ages fell in love with Gerry Turner and Theresa Nist as they fell in love with each other on "The Golden Bachelor" last year. The two seemed to prove that, no matter what you've been through, it's never too late to find love.
So, when Turner, 72, and Nist, 70, announced last week − three months after they married on live TV in January − they've decided to divorce, people were, unsurprisingly, disappointed.
As one disgruntled Instagram commenter put it: "I wasted so many weeks of my life watching you chase after this man. Wasted time I can't get back. I won't be watching any future 'Golden Bachelor.' What a disaster it turned out to be."
Still, experts encourage "Golden Bachelor" fans, especially those inspired by Turner and Nist's love story, not to despair: Though it's a bummer this particular couple didn't work, they say it's still certainly possible to find lasting love and romance later in life.
"Unfortunately, because we have the rarity of such examples being portrayed on TV, that becomes the reference point for people," says Sara Nasserzadeh, a social psychologist and author of the book "Love by Design: 6 Ingredients to Build a Lifetime of Love." However, she adds, it's important to remember "you are not the example that was portrayed on TV. Keep on going. ... Love is absolutely possible, and you should not give up."
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Why did 'Golden Bachelor' couple Gerry Turner, Theresa Nist divorce?
In a lengthy Instagram post Monday, Nist thanked fans and loved ones for their support following the couple’s breakup revelation on “Good Morning America” Friday.
"It was one of the most incredible experiences of my life, something I never expected to happen at this point in my life and I truly thought it was going to last forever," she wrote. "It turns out, even at the age of 70, you don’t know everything.”
During their "Good Morning America" interview, Nist and Turner noted deciding where to settle down contributed to their decision to split.
"Theresa and I have had a number of heart-to-heart conversations, and we've looked closely at our situation, our living situation, so forth and — and we've kind of come to the conclusion mutually that it's probably time for us to dissolve our marriage," Turner told Juju Chang on "GMA."
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Erik Anderson, a licensed marriage and family therapist, says issues involving incompatible lifestyles, like those described by Nist and Turner on "GMA," can certainly create challenges for a relationship. These issues, he says, often don't come to the forefront until a couple has had enough time to get to know each other while dating.
"They both have a very genuine affection for each other, but are disappointed to discover that they have very different lifestyles and very different expectations about what a relationship would entail," Anderson says. "A really important part of lasting relationships and love as well is how you negotiate life together and what your life looks like together, not just on the first spark, but later on too."
Lifestyle compatibility is especially important for older couples to consider, Nasserzadeh says. This is because older people often have more family obligations and responsibilities, which can make their lives less flexible.
"When we meet each other at the cross-section of life, especially at that age, there are several other things that are going on. We have other responsibilities in life. Maybe we are grandparents. Maybe we have different responsibilities socially that we are connected to that pull on our resources," she says. "Yes, love is possible for anybody at any age, but the social and contextual situations are different at different phases of life."
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Remember: Reality TV is often not reality
One of the reasons, experts say, why people feel so attached to Turner and Nist's love story is due to the lack of media depictions, especially in reality television, of romances between people of older adults.
Because of this, many fans may have projected their own hopes and aspirations onto Turner and Nist, which can make their breakup news feel devastating.
However, it's important to keep in mind much of reality TV is not actually reality − and that goes for "The Golden Bachelor" as well, psychotherapist Stephanie Sarkis says.
"Largely, media represents younger people," she says. "Because of the style of media we have today, we can get invested in people's stories and we can take it to heart and be upset when something doesn't work out for someone. And I think that that's part of being empathic, but also we need to be careful about it informing how we live our lives."
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Nasserzadeh encourages those looking for love in their golden years to really get to know themselves as they are now. After all, what you want from a relationship in your seventies may be quite different from what you wanted in your twenties.
"Think about your everyday life," she says. "What do you want to be around? Who do you want to be around and why?"
It's also important to remember finding love is hard for people of all ages, so be patient with yourself as you navigate dating. No matter your age, don't be afraid to put yourself out there and take some risks.
"It's possible for people to feel hopeless about finding love at any age, because finding love is hard and it is a big life task and there are a lot of obstacles to it," Anderson says. "Really, older people have more maturity and knowledge about what they want in relationships, but they may be less willing to take risks. And that could be what's getting in their way of finding love."
Contributing: Edward Segarra and Taijuan Moormon, USA TODAY