A California store owner was killed over a Pride flag. The consequences of hate
If you're feeling like hate is swirling all around you, you're hardly alone. Especially if you're a member of the LGBTQ community or an ally.
In recent days, Southern California store owner Lauri Carleton was shot and killed over a Pride flag display. O'Shae Sibley, a gay man dancing outside a gas station in Brooklyn voguing to Beyoncé, was stabbed to death, and police are investigating it as a hate crime.
This comes on the heels of mounting anti-LGBTQ legislation in the U.S., and ahead of an already-polarized election season. Experts warn that hate indeed begets violence, and that calling out hate is how we survive.
"I cannot predict the future. But I do think we should be prepared for this grim trend to continue before it gets better," says T.M. Robinson-Mosley, a counseling psychologist.
'Some people react with violence when they feel threatened'
Politics in the U.S. leave very little room for nuance. Sides are seen as good or evil, though not everyone on either side holds extreme positions. For example, 64% of likely voters believe there are too many U.S. bills geared toward curbing gay and trans rights, according to data cited by the Human Rights Campaign.
Just because you don't understand someone's identity doesn't mean you can or must ignore their existence. "You do not have to agree with someone or believe what they believe in order to protect them," says psychologist Reneé Carr. "Combating hate is not 'all or nothing' … meaning, 'Unless all of you is exactly like all of me, then I will do nothing to protect you against hate.'"
Though hate holds no politics, Brad Fulton, associate professor of management and social policy at the Indiana University – Bloomington, notes a turning point in the modern era of hate speech and violence. "Ever since the violence at the Unite the Right rally in Charlottesville was not swiftly and unequivocally denounced, it seems as if people feel a greater license to express their hatred through violent acts," he says. "They feel justified in expressing their grievances through violence."
They may feel like their space in the world is being taken away – a potentially dangerous emotion. "Some people react with violence when they feel threatened," Fulton says. "Not just physically, but when their worldview and identity feels threatened. In such situations, people do not see co-existing as an option. They see it as a zero-sum situation, where only one view can remain."
People who commit these acts of violence "may have an untreated mental health disorder, however, bigotry and hate are not diagnostic criteria for any mental health disorder," says Chase Cassine, licensed clinical social worker. "Research has shown hate crimes have a greater likelihood of being violent when committed against targeted groups based on gender and sexual orientation."
Sarah Kate Ellis, the CEO of GLAAD, adds in a statement: "The increasing number of threats that LGBTQ people face in America – whether it's in the form of online hate speech, anonymous in-person messages or threats, or otherwise – must be taken seriously because it has a direct impact on real-world harm and violence. It's not a coincidence that the recent rise in anti-LGBTQ rhetoric coincides with high-profile acts of in-person acts of violence, as well as the highest number of anti-LGBTQ bills ever proposed in modern American history, making it more difficult than ever for LGBTQ people to go about their lives safely."
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How do you cope?
Everyone will react to consequences of hate differently, like any kind of grief. "It's normal for us to feel a combination of intense fear, shock, (confusion), feeling numb, feeling super overwhelmed, sometimes feeling all of these things at once, because it's really hard to make sense of it," Mosley says.
It's important to talk about what happened, engage in physical activities that stimulate your brain, and stay nourished. Seek mental health care as needed, or establish care before a traumatic event.
After you take care of yourself, if you feel up to it, speak out whether you're a part of the affected community or an ally. This also includes holding leaders and elected officials accountable, either by contacting them directly or speaking out on social media. Otherwise, silence allows hate to flourish.
"Our voices are especially powerful," Mosley says. "We are actually at a really interesting inflection point where there are more progressive and positive feelings about the queer community than ever before. But that is diametrically opposed to the rhetoric and the violence and some of the legislation we're seeing right now."
Hmm:What are Nazi flags doing outside Disney and what happens when hate is left to flourish?